Commitment Part 1 - Why Keeping Your Options Open is a Massive Trap

When I was in college, I rushed three different fraternities, and committed to a grand total of zero.

I’m absolutely certain my inability to commit has prevented me from some of life’s greatest moments.

I struggle so much to commit that by the time I pick a movie (and read the IMDb and Reddit reviews of each), my popcorn’s already gone cold.

When I do land on a movie, I play it for ten minutes and think “wait, is there a classic I should be watching instead?” or “this sucks, I’m just going to watch an episode of Seinfeld” (for the third time).

When I was a kid, the scariest thing at the grocery store would be when my mom would leave me in the checkout line alone to “quickly” go grab something.

Today, it’s this:

The cheese wall at Star Market.

I took this photo a week ago, and yes all of that is cheese.

There were actually three more fridge doors full of cheese. These are all the types that my (local, unassuming) grocery store had: mozzarella (whole-milk, low moisture part-skim, fat-free shredded, sliced, snacking sticks), cheddar (mild, medium, sharp, extra sharp, sharp white, double cheddar), colby jack (shredded, sliced, blocked), provolone (sliced), swiss (sliced), baby swiss (sliced), havarti (sliced), gouda (sliced), parmesan (shredded), pepper jack (sliced, shredded), ghost pepper jack (sliced, shredded), jalapeno jack (sliced, shredded), muenster (sliced), mexican blend (shredded), nacho blend (shredded), Italian blend (shredded), pizza blend (shredded), plant-based cheese (sliced, shredded)…

I realized something that day: American abundance is a blessing and a curse, because that day I left without buying any cheese. [1]

And you know what, the same thing probably happens to you when you try to buy a pair of jeans.

You could have slim fit, easy fit, relaxed, baggy, extra baggy, straight fit, regular fit, and for each of those you could have the cloth be stonewashed, acid-washed, distressed, faded all the shades of blue, black and white and for each of those have the fly be button-fly or zipper-fly.

Now these are all silly examples to make an important point: at some point, you have to commit to something.

Let me ask you the following.

Do you find it tough to stick to a single project?

Career?

Hobby?

Major in college?

I once met someone who was doing a “double major in Computer Science + Politics, Philosophy and Economics, with a Minor in Business and Music.” [2]

I don’t say it to judge. I’m curious why we do this!

In the early 2000s, Patrick McGinnis coined the term FOMO: Fear of Missing Out (desire to do everything).

But here’s one that you might not have heard of before.

FOBO: Fear of a Better Option.

It’s the anxiety that a superior option may come along, which is why we refuse to commit to the any of the options we have.

Just like picking a movie, a type of cheese, or a pair of jeans.

It’s made worse when you’re a “maximizer.”

A maximizer is someone that refuses to settle for “good enough,” and is determined to choose only the absolute best. Which means they consider all the options and all the tradeoffs. [3]

This is totally me. I was raised frugally, and any purchase above 3000 yen (~$30, I was raised in Japan) required thorough research to avoid wasting money.

When you only have one life to live you’d want your decisions to be the absolute best, right?

At the same time, I’ll go back to the beginning:

I’m absolutely certain my inability to commit has prevented me from some of life’s greatest moments.

Whether it’s a movie with a really shitty start and a great ending, or the following:

A relationship.
A vacation.
A job.
A city.
A long book.
A PhD.
An investment.

Here’s the kicker. It’s actually easy to decide when you don’t have many options.

For instance, if there’s only two places you could possibly go for vacation, it’s not a difficult decision.

But when you could go anywhere in the world on a similar budget? Much different story.

We try to avoid it by doing several things at once.

When the desire to do everything (FOMO) crashes into the refusal to commit (FOBO) we get FODA: the Fear of Doing Anything.

Which means no vacation. We’re going to do a weekend road trip instead.

The problem is that once you choose an option, you lose all the other options.

This goes against common advice that’s been drilled in our heads:

Never put all your eggs in a single basket!
Diversify your portfolio!
Always have a Plan B!

Where does that leave you though?

A mile wide and an inch deep.

You try to do everything at once, which makes your power diluted and your time thinly spread.

On the other hand, when you commit, you give yourself depth and focus.

To quote Derek Sivers, “When you commit to one outcome, you’re united and sharply focused. When you sacrifice your alternate selves, your remaining self has amazing power.”

Within your career, commitment means you build your expertise and reputation over time.

Even if it takes longer than expected, If you don’t quit, you don’t fail.

When you start a a project it feels amazing. To stick with it when it throws up on your shirt is much harder.

If you don’t commit quickly, you lose the ability to decide.

With regards to health, there’s a famous saying that goes, “If you do not make time for your wellness, you will be forced to make time for your illness.”

In the time you take to decide,

People you could’ve had a great relationship with move to another city
Your health gets worse, and you have less energy
Your work becomes more stressful so you don’t have time to focus on anything else
You get too old to start a family

If you commit, you gain a powerful advantage: you don’t start from scratch.

Everyone else starts all the way at the bottom!

So, how do you go about actually committing to something?

I wrote about it in detail. Continued in Part 2 here!

-Armaan

[1] Actually, A lot of businesses have popped up where the whole point is just to get rid of decision paralysis.

I call them “Take it or leave it” businesses. Here are some examples:

Omakase restaurants, Red Bull, AG-1, WHOOP, Le Creuset, YETI, Dyson vacuum, Blundstone boots.

They do one thing, and they do it better than anyone else.

[2] I’m serious, you can do this at Northeastern.

[3] Ironic side note, while I was doing research for this article, I picked up five books:

Fear of Missing Out by Patrick J McGinnis

Thinking in Bets by Annie Duke

The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz

Decisive: How to Make Better Choices by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown

I didn’t get through a single book because the whole time I was reading one I was wondering if I should be reading the others.